I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date! The date being nearly three weeks since my last post. I actually thought that was written by Lewis Carroll in Alice in Wonderland, but it turns out it that it was written only for the movie. I also thought it was the Mad Hatter who said it and, in fact, it was the White Rabbit. That’s actually more relevant since I feel like Alice when she fell down the rabbit hole into a whole other world.
As you may recall from my Pandora’s Boxes post, I have been cleaning out my Mom’s closets and storage unit. Now I am looking at my parents’ house in Massachusetts. For years I have dreaded this task and was told by a realtor yesterday that regardless of whether we eventually rent or sell, 90% of the items in the house must go. This is on a par with what I expected and will be a fun project for the summer. The long-awaited dumpster will finally arrive. I have only been to the house a couple of times since my Mom died and so I felt quite emotional being there. As well as intimidated by the task that lies ahead. I will be sixty in a month and feel I may spend the rest of my life getting rid of my parents’ belongings.
Have any of you read the new memoir by Kathryn Schulz called Lost & Found? I heard her give a talk at a bookstore recently and decided to buy the book. After all, she writes for The New Yorker. Yes, The New Yorker. And, fascinating tidbit, is married to Casey Cep, who also writes for The New Yorker–talk about a literary power couple!
The “Lost” section refers to the death of her father, as well as many other losses. I did not think I wanted to read the book after experiencing my mother’s death so recently. But, Schulz does have a way with words! As did my Mom.
Schulz writes: “Every morning I woke up in the grip of two opposite fears: that my time on earth was streaming away behind me with unbearable swiftness; that another day loomed up in front of me with leaden interminability.” I feel this way as well, but, to be honest, felt this way even before my mother died.
I am also beginning to doubt my ability to handle the physical challenges that come with this work. Lots of carrying, dragging, lifting, and I am starting to have all those nagging little problems that we always made fun of our elders for talking about. Ach, my knee hurts! I think I have carpal tunnel! I’m not as strong as I used to be. My back! And on and on. But now I’m there, and I want to preserve my physical strength for things I actually enjoy, like hiking. But who am I kidding, not much gives me greater satisfaction than throwing things out and/or donating them, unless it’s cleaning out my Roomba!